Sunday, November 15, 2009

Forgiveness and Responsibilty or Vice Versa

Last week I got an unwelcome surprise at the door. A sheriff's deputy, complete with burnished sidearm, badge and portfolio, came to the door. This was not a good day to begin with, as I was already watching my 20 month old, who was sicker than a dog, now I had this joker at my door.

The order was an eviction as well as a demand for payment. What the H.E. double hockey sticks, we paid our rent. Wrong, it wasn't paid as of July and ironically enough coincided with the time I was laid off from North Winds for the last time.

It was crunch time, I called my mother, whom I hate saddling anyone with this, much less her. Then I called my father-in-law, who wasn't exactly wealthy either, but also was of above average means. The key word was "was," as he explained to me that he'd lost his money in the stock market and just got done paying bills.

We had a lengthy conversation about jobs in Michigan, to which he intimated that there were no jobs in Florida either. Not a shocker there, but hey, I understand. Florida's job market and in fact, economy was dependent on high home prices to bring in the revenue. Once that dried up, they had nowhere to go but up. Kind of reminds me of Michigan lately.

The fact is that I was supposed to pay the rent. I abdicated my responsibility in the name of domestic peace. It's my fault. I don't know how anything will ever be the same again and it won't. Yes, the rent's getting paid this month, but it's going to involve a lot more people than it should have involved. It's going to have a lot more negative consequences than it would have otherwise. This is also going involve an air of forgiveness, trust and responsibility (I meant to say responsibility) that will have to worked at twice as hard to be appreciated half as much. Just because we have the strength to lift a car doesn't mean we should do this every day. This should be a one time, in a lifetime event. Sadly, this doesn't apply to me.

Such is the life. The Lord said Himself he would never put more upon us than what we could bear. As human beings, we manage to do this all by ourselves. Look at this mess, this one has cost me dearly. Lord I'm sorry, and I know You forgive and will restore me in due time. I know in my heart that You haven't forsaken me, but wish to teach me what I neglected to learn previously. You are a just God. Truth be told I know you're with me right now, carrying me. Today, I confess my shortcomings in Your name and leave them in Your hands.

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